Yes. You read that right. Your thoughts don’t mean anything. Literally, nothing. The formation of words into thoughts in your mind mean absolutely not a damn thing.
I understand that this may be an unpopular opinion. Let me explain.
Several years ago, I attended an intense three-and-a-half-day leadership seminar. We met for 10 hours a day on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and came back for a graduation the following Tuesday afternoon and evening. We weren’t allowed phones. We couldn’t take notes or write anything down. The facilitator wanted us to be completely present, and he explained that if we were writing in a notebook or typing on a tablet, we would miss valuable portions of the conversation.
The room was set up in a gentle arc, auditorium-style seating in three sections for approximately 150 participants. In each of the outside aisles as well as the center, he had set up two microphones – one toward the front of the room and one in the center. If we had a question or comment, he encouraged us to come to the mic closest to our seat, and he would call on us to speak when the time was appropriate.
By far, the fiercest dialogue occurred when he made the statement, “Any event that has ever happened in your life has no meaning.” He went on to explain that no matter what the occurrence was – birth of a child, marriage, divorce, addiction, accident, natural disaster, medical miracle – the incident itself inherently was devoid of meaning. “The thing itself has no value. You assign it the meaning you think is appropriate.”
One woman came to the mic and said, “How dare you tell me that my father’s death means nothing?” She was very angry.
His reply, “it doesn’t.”
Her: “How can you say that? I was 14. His death changed my entire life. He was everything to me.”
Him: “Yes, he was everything to you. He was nothing to me. I didn’t know him. His death means nothing to me. It means something to you because you have assigned meaning to it – sadness, grief, despair, fear, uncertainty, or whatever. You gave it meaning, but the death itself, the actual event, means nothing.”
As I have traversed experiences in my own life, I’ve thought about that conversation countless times. Sometimes, it makes perfect sense. Other times, I wrestle with the thought that what I’ve been through inherently has no meaning. My experiences do mean something to me, of course, but could I have handled certain things differently? Could I have responded in another way? Could I have processed my emotions more constructively? Could I have been kinder to other people involved? Could I have been kinder to myself?
The same principle applies to your thoughts. A thought enters your mind. You cannot control or prevent thoughts from forming. They just do. A thought appears, and at its simplest, the thought is simply a formation of or response to words, ideas, and experiences. The thought itself has no meaning, no worth. By engaging or disengaging, you assign emotion or value to the thought. Good or bad? True or false? Helpful or harmful? Complimentary or judgmental? You decide.
When you give yourself the grace and the space to step back and look at your world – your thoughts, your feelings, the things happening to you and around you – you realize that your perspective is unique to you. Only you see, hear, feel, and think a particular way about a particular thing. Literally anyone else is going to interpret that thing in a way that is specific to them.
The thing itself, the event itself, the thought itself has no meaning. You choose what you want it to mean. You also choose how to respond to it.
As you finish this blog, what are you thinking? Agree or disagree?
Does it matter to me if you agree? To a certain extent, yes. I want these blogs to foster curiosity and create interest. In another aspect, not at all. How you see the world and how I see the world may be extremely similar or vastly different, and if we can tap into our views and inspire dialogue with kindness and compassion for the other person’s perspective . . . well, that is something to think about.
To answer your question, I disagree with the premise that your father's death, the actual event, means nothing. Is it fair to say his death set off a chain reaction for you and others that permeated through time and space in ways seen and unseen? The butterfly effect or the burnt toast theory both come to mind. Then, could I not make an argument that everything matters?
On another note, I agree with you that blogs (or anything) that foster curiosity and create interest are good things. Dale Carnegie jumps out: “To be interesting, be interested.” It seems you are both.
Have a great day.