“It’s not just what you say. It’s how you say it.” True. Very true, in fact. Google “non-verbal communication,” and you’ll find articles and statistics that say 93% of communication is non-verbal. You’ll find the 55/38/7 formula over and over again (55% facial expression, 38% tone of voice, and 7% word choice). In reality, the initial studies citing these numbers have been widely misinterpreted. Are your body language, facial expressions, and vocal cues important? Absolutely. Are they worth 93% of your communication? Nope.
Non-verbal communication is a topic for another blog.
Today, let’s talk about word choice. It’s important. Really important. The words you choose make a conscious and subconscious impact on the person you’re speaking with or writing to. Regardless of whether you’re talking in person or communicating via message or email, your written and spoken words have significant value. And yes, that is “regardless” and not “irregardless,” which is not a word despite however many other people choose to use it. Even my computer spellchecks it as wrong.
In both your personal and professional lives, communication skills are necessary for your very survival. Certain words or phrases take away from the impact of your sentiment. Consider the following:
Does that make sense? For heaven’s sake, yes, it makes sense. Trust yourself. Using this phrase presents a subliminal message that you doubt yourself or that the other person should doubt you. If that person looks confused, use open ended questions to clarify: “What other information do you need?” or “What else can I share about this topic?”
I’m sorry. Quit apologizing. Seriously. You do not need to apologize for taking a day or two to respond to an email or for utilizing an appropriate amount of time to complete a project. Instead, be straightforward. “Thank you for working with me on this. I’ll have the draft to you by Thursday” or “I appreciate your patience. I am reviewing your proposal and will get back to you by end of day.”
Just. Ugh. Just don’t. “Just” is nothing. I just did this. I just saw this. I just finished this. I just want to check in. “Just” is a useless filler word, and you don’t need it. Let it go.
I think/I’ll try. Try again. Use action words. Rather than “I think this would be best . . .” or “I’ll try to do . . .”, state what is best or what you will do. “Think” and “try” diminish your confidence. Instead, use “I will complete this project by the first of the month” or even “my opinion is that we should do [whatever the thing is].” Have a voice. Make a decision.
Maybe this is stupid/dumb/silly. You know what you believe, so stand up for that. Own your opinion. Self-deprecation is a useful tool for comedians. It’s not useful for you as a Leader. What you have to say is valuable and valued. Stand by your thoughts and ideas, and share them with strength.
Let’s touch base/checking in. Quite simply, these phrases are overused and vague. What do you want to say? Is there an action? If so, what is it? Instead, “what day would be good to talk about . . .” or “I’m following up on . . .”
Irregardless. Stop. It’s not a word.
Positive bonus: use the word “you.” Include your reader. By addressing them directly, you are inviting the individual into the conversation and making them feel part of the exchange.
There you go. Maybe this is dumb, but irregardless of whether you’re just checking in or touching base, I think these phrases could maybe go away. Does that make sense?
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